If selector Cheeka had really read the blogosphere seriously, he would have dropped himself from the selection committee and voted for Homer instead. But he chose to ignore the relevant stuff and read the fluffy stuff. The stuff that talks about Chanakya's politics. The stuff that talks about the Love for one's son. The stuff that talks in a language none other than Tamil.
Can he read English? He can!! English written in Tamil script is his forte. Does he understand it? Did Cullinan understand Warne's bowling? If he did, Cheeka is better at understanding English. He still commands his writ on a player selected for the Indian team.
All those people who are rejoicing today for Bhajji's dropping(s) will not want to admit, but will want him in the team maybe tomorrow, or maybe the day after. They have never realised that Bhajji is like a Maharashtrian. He never is a great team player but becomes effective when he becomes a leader (like Raj Thackrey).
Can Bhajji's absence in this team last for too long? This blog forever has ridiculed him but when it comes to a comparison between Bhajji and Vinay Kumar, time stands still. Err, umm, I dunno but yet Bhajji comes trumps over Vinay Kumar for god's sake. Bhajji is our better fastish off spinner than what Vinay Kumar is. And he can bat as well!
Maybe Bhajji is our better captain in the making. The way he has captained MI maybe a positive indicator. Maybe Bhajji HAS made it larger in life. maybe others haven't made anything of themselves in life. If they are advertising for Kingfisher they might as well ask for an advance before doing the ad. Never know when it can turn sour.
Bhajji can actually contribute more than MSD in a match, atleast in an Ad. He can bat and he can captain. Dhoni can do neither; as proved over the past 2 months.
And coming to the other spinners, if Rahul Sharma is our best leg spinner then what was Cheeka thinking of when he picked up Chawla for the WC (Valson didn't play a game for India in 1983, Chawla did!). THE Amit Mishra was picked up for the England series (but never played). And now suddenly we hear of Rahul Sharma.
Manoj Tiwary also comes in this team. The only time I would have taken him in tihs team would be the time when I wanted to see a photo of an extremely constipated guy on a pot. All one can say is that he hasn't rid himself of the ailment.
When one challenged England to come and beat an Indian team in the subcontinent, one wasn't really envisiging about this Indian team. India still may beat England (Anderson not coming to India is like Dracula not visiting a Church). But with Vinay Kumar around one is very very sure that India will make it difficult for itself.
Selection meetings in India are like porn. They never satisfy all the concerned parties but still manage to titilate viewers.
The first meeting of the new look Indian selection committee
is underway on an auspicious day and time per You Know Who’s astrologer with
all selectors wearing yellow India Cement jerseys. The new selectors are
supposed to take an oath of allegiance to You know who (YKW from here on) before
joining the committee. The oath goes thus, “Chennai is my country, India Cement
is my father and all CSK players are my brothers and sisters….”. Sanjay Jagdale
is the first one to take his oath. Being as well known and well spoken as the
MP Chief Minister Shivraj Patil, he takes it almost invisibly and inaudibly. Mohinder
Amarnath is the next in line. The same legend, who helped India win the WC, around the same
time when the Industrial revolution was taking roots.
Amarnath solemnly approaches the podium, mimicking his
bowling run up, clears his throat and says, “Friends, as you are well aware, I
am an entertainer par excellence. Many of you may have watched me on National
Television making a song and dance about various things, mostly Hindi songs and
the 1753 cricket WC. I will take this opportunity to present my humble
credentials as a talented selector by singing a song instead of the standard
oath. Here goes!”
(For our non Hindi speaking readers, the remaining article is
going to be like a lot of bouncers that Mohinder himself faced during his
“Dear YKW, this is for you. Remember your invitation sent to
me to join the selection committee?” YKW tries to protest but Mohinder
continues, “I know you didn’t say it in so many words, but what to do, I tend
to understand people’s feelings only via Hindi songs, singing which, as you are
aware, is my lifelong passion. It felt very much like you were cooing –
Jimmy, aaja aaja aaja,
Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy, aaja aaja aaja'.
Jimmy takes a deep breath after that masterful performance
“Cheeka may have conveyed similar feelings to you in his
English that is as good as my singing, but I am a rustic lad from the North of
Vindhyas. Please appreciate my feelings in this song.
Meherbaniyan, teri kadardaniyan,
hai, kai jindaganiyan,iyan aaoooooo'
Finished with this dazzling performance, Jimmy was quick to
add, “YKW, I am not sure whether in this movie the owner is singing paeans to
his dog or vice versa but please appreciate my feelings behind this song.”
Most selectors were aware of Jimmy’s bowling talent first
hand but they had not seen him up close and personal displaying his howling
talent. Even Cheeka looks lost for words.
“But always remember my oath that I will be taking here in
front of all you dear friends –
se aya mera boss
ko salaam karo
jo kehta hai karo
sab ko goli maaro'
Jimmy cast a look across his spellbound audience. They
looked exactly like how they did when given the gagging orders by YKW.
“You know, I tried for ages to become a coach of this Indian
team but somehow I was always overlooked. Even Tusshaarr Kapoor has been
considered for a 5 minute role more times than I for the coach’s role. I always
gave vent to my feelings to my wife every night. I don’t know why she prefers
to spend her time with Himesh now days. This is what I used to sing to her
during the good old days –
maiya se bole Nandalala
kyon gora mein kyo kaala’
“Everyone will want
to know what is my vision for the future of Indian cricket? But before that I
would like to sing a little song to my old friend Cheeka –
kal chala jayega to mein kya karoonga
yaad bahut aayega to mein kya karoongaaaaaaa.’
“People have been talking about the ageing line up of our
team. I am not sure whether I should be singing ‘Buddha hoga tera Baap’ or ‘Chodo
kal ki baatein, kal ki baat purani’ but every time our team fails, I will sing
them patriotic songs to motivate them.”
“I will try and do my best to keep all our selection
meetings cheerful. Some may even call me a joker. But to them, I would like to
recite the following song –
hai Joker saara zamana
Thodi Hakiqat zyada fasaana’
Jimmy walks back to his seat in a stunned silence followed by strange wailings and hysterical shouts from the audience
Selection meetings are going to be far more musical in the
future. All the best Jimmy. May you do a better job than your commentating
career and your predecessor (that's not going to be too tough is it?)
P.S. One is aware that the CM of MP is not Shivraj Patil but Shivraj errrr... ummm... some Shivraj.
P.S.2. This is an ode to the 80's hindi songs (well many of them atleast) as much as Jimmy's musical talent (watch from minute 2). One has used some original lyrics in some and edited a few others. And one almost forgot that Jimmy Paaji dances brilliantly as well.
It has been reliably learnt that the De Montfort University in Leicester is revoking the ‘honorary’ doctorate conferred by it on MS Dhoni. The University which had praised Dhoni’s exemplary leadership qualities and his achievements before making him an Honorary Doctor of Letters has said that it now believes that MSD actually deserves to be a Medical Doctor instead of an honorary one. The reasons for which the Honorary Doctorate was given, it says, don’t sound too convincing after his team’s performance in England.
It further states that since MSD has attended to all possible types of ailments and injuries in a matter of just about 2 months now has all the skills required to be a GP as well as some other specializations like Orthopedics, ENT, Neurology and Gynecology. It cites Sachin Tendulkar’s fever and upset stomach as a case fit for a GP. Rohit Sharma, Yuvraj Singh, Zak, Bhajji’s fractures/muscle pulls have sharpened his Orthopedic skills, Viru’s ear infection tested his ENT knowledge, Gauti’s head injury was a head ache for him.
After a pregnant pause, the citation states that witnessing so many deliveries from his bowlers, he has the absolute right to be called a Gynecologist.
What the citation has failed to mention is that Dr. Dhoni's patience is running thin with so many patients around him.
It has been pointed out by experts that the citation misses another specialization which that he is a practicing veterinarian for all the donkeys in his team. Some other experts pointed out that there were other animals in the team like Praveen Kumar (workhorse) and Raina (chicken).
When a wag commented that the only thing MSD hasn’t been credited with specializing in was being a psychiatrist, it was pointed out that players with psychological problems fell only in the English domain and Andrew Strauss holds that degree after experiencing first hand Marcus Trescothick and Michael Yardy.
NC has also learnt that the University maybe offering a peace prize to BCCI. After being slapped on one Cheeka, it is still offering the same Cheeka again.