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By Venu Palaparthi
[This is a satirical article. Any resemblance to the truth is just our misfortune.]
Hey American Cricketer! Here are answers to ten things you wanted to know about cricket in the US but were too afraid to ask.
1) Biggest Challenge: With nearly all the leagues expelled, there simply are not enough leagues to oppress. So how do we get back to our regular business of suppressing cricket - that is the board's biggest challenge.
2) Status of the 100 day plan: You want to know the status of last 100 day plan? We will consider your request as part of the next 100 day plan or in our next board meeting, whichever is later.
3) Romney and us: Mr. Romney: Don't sweat the 47%. Figure out a way to disqualify nay-sayers from voting. Believe us, it works and you will win with a massive majority. C'mon Mr. Romney. What swing states? We took four regions off the map and nobody is complaining.
4) Influence: Austin Powers is not just a funny movie. Austin is where the powers are. Yeah baby!
5) Consistently inclusive: People should stop complaining about being excluded because they can no longer vote. We are consistently inclusive. See, we consistently include the same three people on free junkets, whether they have votes or not.
6) Progress: Trust us. The interim CEO assured us that he would keep us informed of all progress. When there is progress, you will be informed.
7) New CEO's 100 day plan: To remain in the job for 100 days. Let's keep it simple like that.
8) 2012 Tournaments: All the 2012 tournaments were held in 2010. We are always ahead of schedule.
9) Legacy: We don’t believe in legacy. To have a legacy, we have to leave.
10) Approval Ratings and other such BS: Who cares about public approval? ICC approves of us and we have a letter to show for it.
So, dear American Cricketer, quit complaining. Learn to do what cricketers before us have done for 47 years. Suck. It. Up.